Am I An Introvert? Or Just Shy? Or Something Else?
Right now I’m working on an article for my website about the difference between being very shy and being introverted. I’m very interested in this topic because I happen to have both of these conditions, and I have worked very hard to try to overcome them.
There’s a difference between shyness and introversion, and some people can be introverted without being shy, and vice versa.
For the last couple of days I have been reading a lot about shyness and about being introverted. I find this whole exploration of shyness and introversion very interesting.
So far what I am learning is that introverts need to spend a lot of time alone, while extroverts have a great need to spend a lot of time with others.
I myself am very shy, but I am also very introverted. I also suffer from depression, anxiety, also have had borderline personality disorder, and very low self esteem due to a chaotic and traumatic life.
So, it becomes very hard for me to sort things out.
When I want to withdraw from other people, which of these many labelled conditions is the cause?
Stress makes me exhausted and want to withdraw from other people for years at a time.
When I don’t want to be around other people, should I be honoring that, or should I be doing the opposite of what I feel like?
For example, is my withdrawal from others motivated by my depression? Or is it simply the result of social anxiety?
If the reason I want to avoid people is because I am an introvert, then that is just a normal part of an introverted nature.
But if the reason I want to avoid people is because of depression, then I should be seeking help for depression.
But, if the underlying reason I want to run away from others is because of social anxiety, then I should be forcing myself to be around other people more.
That’s part of the recommended treatment for the socially anxious.
However, I probably have all these situations mixed up in me to a varying degree.
I have not come across any real discussion of what happens if you have introversion that’s also mixed with depression, and with poor self esteem, which is what has plagued me much of my life.
My social skills switch on and off, quite instantly, so many people who know me don’t believe I’m shy. Other people who know me think I,m somewhat strange, while some people find me warm, enchanting and wonderful.
I am only one way or the other extreme with people.
Unlike some very shy people, I have no trouble speaking without notes to very large crowds of people, and I really enjoy it.
I know that this is somehow related to my shyness, but I haven’t figured out how.
When I am in a small group of people, I am overwhelmed with fear and self criticism, and my mind is superbusy trying to analyze everything I say. It feels like I desperately need to do this for my survival.
However, when I speak to a large group of people, I am happy and relaxed. My mind isn’t busy trying to analyze everybody. I have absolutely no fear of public speaking. But I don’t really know how that happened.
In a small group of people I worry tremendously that I am being judged, and it paralyzes me.
When I do public speaking, I also think I am being judged. But for some reason, when I’m making a speech, I always think the judgment of me is really, really good.
Even when I make a speech that bombs, I continue to feel confident about my public speaking ability. I can’t wait to make my next speech.
As soon as the speech is over, I run away because I don’t want to face the exhausting exercise of actually having to talk to anyone.
All of these inconsistent reactions in me are a source of puzzlement to me.
I wonder if anyone else ever experiences such an odd mix of reactions.
Royane Real is a self help author of many books and articles. Sign up for her free no obligation newsletter filled with real inspiration - real information at http://www.royanereal.com
Tags: fear of public speaking, introversion, introvert, relationships, shy, shyness, social skills