Marriage - The Magic Of Touch
One of the fastest ways to improve your marriage is to put your love into action. One excellent way to put your love into action is through touch. And no guys, I do not mean groping your wife. Non-sexual loving touch helps to bond you together. Consistently nurturing that bond creates intimacy in your relationship.
It is the small everyday gestures of kindness and love that will fortify your relationship. As my partner, Dallas Munkholm, often puts it, “If you don’t do the little things, then the big things are just so much fluff.” That grand gesture will seem very hollow if are not doing the everyday things that say, “I care about you.”
We have had many clients who say, “I just don’t feel like I love him (or her) anymore.” This unfortunately is a common theme in couples seeking marriage counseling. Contrary to what many believe love is not a feeling it is something that you do. Loving feelings follow loving actions.
You may not feel very loving toward your partner right now, but if you begin to consistently give small gifts of love, if you touch with love and kindness, you will find those loving feelings returning. These loving touches and gifts of love are to be given freely, with no strings attached. There is no room for keeping score or expecting anything in return.
You have heard the saying, “Reach out and touch someone today.” Well reach out and touch your partner today and everyday. Enjoy the warmth and closeness that comes from connecting with one another.
We had clients, we will call Jen and Matt. Jen refused to even sit next to Matt while they were watching TV. Her reason was that every time he touched her he wanted sex. She wanted to be able to be close, touch and be held; but she withdrew because she felt that if she was willing to be touched the demand for sex would be there.
Matt found that when he was willing to touch Jen in non-sexual ways—to cuddle and be close without expecting that sex would follow—that he actually enjoyed the closeness. He also found that Jen became a much more willing lover when she felt loved and connected to him in other ways.
There are enumerable ways to lovingly touch your partner. Here are some examples. Try them out. Be creative and make up your own.
1. Hold hands while you are walking.
2. Put your hand on your partner’s leg while you are driving
3. Sit close enough to touch arms or legs.
4. Caress your partner’s hand and arm.
5. Give your partner a foot massage.
6. Or a hand, shoulder or neck massage.
7. Kiss your partner before you leave the house.
8. Kiss your partner when you return.
9. Play footsie at the restaurant or elsewhere.
10. Dance in the kitchen.
11. Straighten his tie.
12. Tuck in a stray tag.
13. Touch your partner’s hair
14. Brush against each other as you pass.
15. Hug often.
16. “Spoon” or touch while sleeping.
17. Brush your partner’s cheek.
18. Run your fingers across their back.
19. Kiss your partner’s hand or the back of their neck.
20. Sit on your partner’s lap or have them sit on yours.
It only takes a moment to lovingly connect with your partner, but the positive energy created by that connection lasts much longer. Accumulating enough of this positive energy will elevate your relationship to a new high.
Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples.
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine
Tags: improve marriage, improve relationship, marriage, marriage advice, marriage success, relationship